He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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