She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
