ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
