Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
