one two three fourrrrnication!
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
