wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
