I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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