he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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