i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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