there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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