haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
