At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
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