dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
