You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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