You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
