Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
