I saw his package. It spoke to me.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
