I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
this will be a night to untag.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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