I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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