I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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