Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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