I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I have feelings that need drinking.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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