it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
