theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
