why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
