Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
