he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
The dick lei will go down in squad history
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Randomize
