Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
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