We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
