chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
