the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
