i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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