I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you told grandpa to call you daddy
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
