i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
