you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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