And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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