How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Randomize