Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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