My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
