you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
