i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
