How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
