what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
