she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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