I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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