we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
