My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
