I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
