yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
