I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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